13 Worst Movie Trilogies of All Time

13. The Matrix (The Matrix, The Matrix: Reloaded, The Matrix: Revolutions)

The Matrix was the feel-good lunch table discussion topic in my High School some eight years ago, and its quite clear why: not only was there an excellent story (though we had seen it before in Dark City), there were guns and chicks in leather and one of the most memorable shoot-out scenes in movie history. Then Reloaded and Revolutions came, and thus the trilogy was a-ruint.

Biggest “wtf?” moments: giant mechas shooting hordes of metal sperm-monsters in Revolutions, Lawrence Fishbourne directing a huge sweaty rave-ish orgy.

12. Star Wars I-III (The Phantom Menace, The Clone Wars, Revenge of the Sith)

The Star Wars addendum to the holy trilogy was fun, of course — however, viewers expected something Earth-shattering that would raise the series to another level. Viewers were thusly disappointed in what can only be termed a lackluster presentation of space action flicks that hold no comparison to the original three.

Biggest “wtf?” moments: Anakin’s annoying “Wahoo!” spasms, the bile-inducing antics of Jar Jar Binks.

11. Blade (Blade, Blade 2, Blade: Trinity)

Blade was an enjoyable flick, I admit — before his downward spiral into direct-to-DVD B-movies, Wesley Snipes did an excellent turn as a vampire-hunting vampire-mutt. Blade 2 was a passable sequel, but Blade: Trinity was as sucky as its name suggested.

Biggest “wtf?” moments: What’s the dude from “Two Guys, a Girl, and a Pizza Place” doin’ in this damn movie?

10. Final Destination 1-3

Final Destination was, for me, the ultimate theater flick back in high school: it had blood, explosions, Ali Larter in a wet T-shirt, and Stifler. Final Destination 2 was alright — it was redeemed by a killer highway accident scene that’s still burned into my brain to this day. The third, and hopefully last, installment of the trilogy was a God-awful regurgitation unworthy of a NetFlix rental.

Biggest “wtf” moment: “Can this movie really be this shitty?”

9. Terminator (Terminator, Terminator 2: Judgment Day, Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines)

Terminator and Terminator 2: Judgment Day should never have been touched — they, in their own ways, have found pedestals in the Pantheon of Sci-Fi action, and rightfully so. Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines was painful for me to watch. Not directed by James Cameron, and not good at all — coincidence?

Biggest “wtf” moment: The announcement of a Terminator 4 (and another two after that), set for release in 2008.

8. Fast & the Furious (Fast & the Furious, 2 Fast 2 Furious, Fast & the Furious: Tokyo Drift)

Fast & the Furious is Point Break with cars and Vin Diesel replacing Patrick Swayze. Of course, Vinny could never put baby in the corner, but Fast and & Furious was an enjoyable popcorn flick that had enough substance to keep us going until the next high-speed race scene. 2 Fast 2 Furious and Tokyo Drift, aside from having majorly retarded titles, were majorly suckable. Tokyo Drift does have a cool opening song, though: DJ Shadow & Mos Def’s “Six Days” — a song too good for such a crappy film.

Biggest “wtf” moment: There’s a fourth one coming out? Good lord!

7. Naked Gun (Naked Gun, Naked Gun 2 1/2, Naked Gun 33 1/3)

Naked Gun, my fallen ex-lover — I remember laughing at this series when I was eight or nine years old, but like Ren & Stimpy and Beavis & Butthead, there’s no way for me to enjoy this as an adult. It’s stupid. Granted, Police Squad was stupid, too, but at least enjoyably so.

Biggest “wtf” moment: Well, inapplicable, since it’s, you know, Naked Gun.

6. Robocop 1-3

Robocop was a controversial flick in its time, and I can see why: tons of blood and gore, a thinly-veiled criticism of governmental authority and political monetization, and Paul Verhoeven. Paul may be a crazy dude, but he was smart enough to jump ship before the craptastic sequels came into being.

Biggest “wtf” moment: A PG-13 Robocop? That’s as bad as a PG-13 Die Har… yeah.

5. Rambo (First Blood, Rambo: First Blood Part II, Rambo III)

Rambo is a manly man, and First Blood is a manly movie; there’s no denying this. I’ll admit, my favorite of the series is the second installment — but its still not a very good movie. The first one is overly convoluted and the third is fluffed ultra-violence. There’s little to no redeeming value of this series, but perhaps the fourth (”John Rambo,” due out in 2008) will be fantastic enough to elevate Rambo to a higher plateau?

Biggest “wtf” moment: John Rambo rising from the water like a ninja, shamelessly stolen from Apocalypse Now.

4. Beverly Hills Cop 1-3

Beverly Hills Cop was an excellent cop flick that showed us the innate comedic talents and charisma of Eddie Murphy as Axel Foley — it was nominated for an Academy Award and was soon followed by two craptastic sequels that made viewers squirm in their seats with constipation. A fourth installment is in the works for a 2009 release.

Biggest “wtf” moment: Chris Rock pops up the steal the film in the second film. Eddie Murphy fumes.

3. The Mighty Ducks (The Mighty Ducks, D2: The Mighty Ducks, D3: The Mighty Ducks)

The Mighty Ducks: children playing hockey, black-fitted nemesis teams, and Emilio Estevez — what could go wrong? One such way is that The Mighty Ducks series could be produced and inundate itself into American popular culture. In the early 90’s, this calamity did happen, and America was forever damaged.

Biggest “wtf” moment: How did this trilogy not end up utterly destroying Emilio Estevez’ career? Maybe Charlie and Martin had something to do with that…

2. Jaws (Jaws, Jaws 2, Jaws 3-D, Jaws: The Revenge)

Jaws is considered by many to be one of the top films ever created; Jaws: The Revenge is considered to be one of the worst ever made. How does one go from such critical acclamation to major suckage? Granted, this is not a trilogy, but it is awful enough for inclusion, just for posterity’s sake.

Biggest “wtf” moments: “They’re making a Jaws 2?”, “Jaws in 3-D?”, “What am I watching? God! Jaws: The Revenge, you say?”

1. Jurassic Park (Jurassic Park, The Lost World: Jurassic Park, Jurassic Park III)

Jurassic Park’s third installment is another example of Steven Spielberg’s ability to create instantly classic movies and then whore the franchise out to the highest bidder; there is no enjoyment from watching Jurassic Park III until the ending credits start to roll. There’s a fourth installment in the works, helmed by the same director of the aforementioned third flick, which can only spell craptasticness in the future.

Biggest “wtf” moments: The realization that dinosaurs are no longer cool, after watching Jurassic Park III.